THIS SUCKS
I finally let myself think about what happened. I wasn’t giving myself room to breathe. I guess I was trying too hard to push all that had happened behind me. I’m actually getting frustrated at the results of my efforts. So far, I feel that I haven’t really moved on. A while back, a friend told me I was bitter. I refused to accept this. I figured that it was all in the mind. All I had to do was to believe that I was over it and it would be done. I was gravely mistaken.
I would like to apologize to everyone whom I led to believe that I was over her. I was stuck in a pseudo-reality that I made for myself to make me feel good. I figured that facing this head on should be the solution to this dillemma that’s dangling in my face — I was wrong. So I would like to shout this out to everyone: I AM BITTER.
I feel that this would be the fastest way to move on. Face it head on and learn to deal with it. Honestly, it’s not as easy as it sounds. Not with people asking me how she was doing, or finding myself in a place that we used to frequent, or hearing someone use an expression that she used to say a lot, or simply finding myself suspended in pseudo-reality, being sucked back in time to when I used to be euphoric, when we used to be us.
Somehow, I can’t help but feel cynical or apathetic to people around me. I trust my friends, but when someone new comes into my life, I can’t help but doubt: what the hell does this person want from me? Can you blame me for this? I’m generally a happy person, but I can’t help it. I don’t enjoy what I’m feeling. It feels good to have anger/hate in my heart and mind, but I’ve been thinking, how long will I be able to sustain this anger/hate? I know for a fact that this will not last forever, that I’ll get through this in time. Does anyone know of a way to get through this faster? Does anyone know how to ease the pain? Can someone please take this bitterness away? Is this bitterness caused by a non-formal closure? Should there even be a formal closure?
Gawd! I feel like a total idiot. I don’t even know how to deal with this shit. I’m sorry but I’m not used to being ditched.
- Tags:
Popularity: 2%
This work, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
View blog reactions
8 Responses to “THIS SUCKS”
By aisakiller on Oct 30, 2005 | Reply
keysi, i told you it's okay to be bitter. pero. just for a while lang ha. =) god bless!
By a-NONee-moose on Oct 30, 2005 | Reply
would you feel better if you had this formal closure? if not, then it's going to be a waste of time. time heals all wounds. i'd tell you that you're gonna be okay, that you'll survive.. pero almost everything is easier said than done. i'll tell you this, hang in there, pare.
By Dr. Fil on Oct 30, 2005 | Reply
I spot grammatical errors! Anyway, that's what I've been telling people. It is good to be single.
By checkyoulater on Oct 30, 2005 | Reply
there's no such thing as an easy way to get over things, everyone has his/her own pace when things on love are concerned...just stick to doing the things you normally do (w/o her of course)...and keep busy...think stats..hehehe...but really, i know, from experience, how it hurts, but things always change for the better...as for closure...don't look for it, it'll show up sooner or later...when it does you'll only realize all the time you spent reminiscing was all just a bad day...trust me, although it may seem as if it's not possible now, but you'll just laugh your ass off all this bitterness or whatever it is it's supposed to be called....
By piknik on Oct 31, 2005 | Reply
keysi dear, what you are going thru is not easy. and how you are acting and reacting are but normal responses by normal human beings such as you. accepting the fact that you are bitter after a bad break up is a good way to start. but don't let it linger. try to make yourself busy as much as possible and stop thinking that you are over her because the more you do that, the more that you really are not.
if and when you think you can handle it already, call her and talk in a very nice manner. the break up talk and the picking-up-of-stuff incidents are highly emotionally packed thus making it hard for the both of you to be civil. so call her. when you can already be civil to her on the phone, when you can already talk to her like you used to, then move on to see her. that is how you will know that you are over her. it may happen next week or 10 years from now, but the important thing is to try and accept the fact you two are over (not that you are over her) and you are still alive and so life goes on. be with friends. friends are always good remedies.
FYI, it took me 12 years to get over my first love (charing!) but i did get over him and now i can only laugh about all the stupid things that i did just to tell the world that i was over him when i was really not.
you are a strong person. you will get over this. just keep your head up and take one day at a time.
By eca on Oct 31, 2005 | Reply
get used to it na pare hihihi...
By chumsy on Oct 31, 2005 | Reply
took you so long to realize that, eh? hehehe. *rubs bitterness on keysi's face* hihi. meanie. you'll be fine soon. oh, and by the way, where the fuck are my coloring books? COLORING BOOKS!?!
By amanda__ on Nov 1, 2005 | Reply
alak lang yan... lolz... don't worry di na mashadong matagal yung ganyang sitwasyon mo.. unting tiis na lang... mga 2 months pa... unting tiis na lang...