Glorified Version of A Stranger

Written on 12/23/2007 – 3:19 am | by keysinunez.com | 2,292 Views

Every human being has an inner self. No matter how much we deny it, that other side of us is there, lurking in our subconscious, making itself known through Freudian Slips, dreams, mutterings, etc.. How well do we know ourselves? How well do we know our inner selves?

I’ve always been fascinated about my inner self. What’s my inner self like? What would it be like to talk to the other me? Do we share the same opinion on politics? Do we have the same taste in books? Is my inner self an introvert or an extrovert?

The following took place sometime in Fiscal Week 41, under the expertise of world renowned hypnotist, Dr. D. Ingle Berry. Seriously, everyone knows this person. He’s more popular than the former Iraqi president who was hanged.

*** Note: In the following conversation, my inner self will be known as Inner Self. I on the other hand will be known as Me.***
We were in a white room. The temperature was really cold. Someone may have forgotten to set the temperature back to normal.
Dr. Berry was there. He was wearing a lab gown. The type that doctors use. He had this round metal thing on his forehead. The type that doctors use. He had a stethoscope around his neck. The type that doctors use. He was wearing a horrible tie. The type that my uncle uses. He was also wearing white sneakers. The type that Run DMC uses.
There was a board filled with writing. It said something like “RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!� I passed it off as a really corny joke. Dr. Berry motioned for me to sit on an awkward looking chair. It had only two legs. I felt cold, afraid. Afraid that I would topple over if I sat in that horrendous looking chair. I was gently coerced into taking a seat. Amazingly, it felt really comfy, but I was still afraid of the chair. Dr. Berry said some mumbo-jumbo about hypnosis. I stupidly nodded. He made me relax. The tone of his voice was really calming, coupled by the rhythmic pacing of his words.

Me : Whoa! This is so cool! I feel like I’m being hypnotized.
*Awkward silence.*
Inner Self : Dude, you ARE being hypnotized!
Me : Holy crap! I am? No wonder I feel like I’m being hypnotized!
Inner Self : Why? Have you ever been hypnotized in your entire life?
Me : Ummm… No. Wait who ARE you?
Inner Self : So how do you know what it feels like to be hypnotized?
Me : I don’t know. I just do. I’m cool like that. Who are you?
Inner Self : LOL. Are you always like this? You irritate me. Don’t scratch your nose.

*Me scratches nose*
Me : Owww! I think I scraped a bit of skin there. Darn pimple! Wait, how did you know I was going to do that? And dude, I don’t really care if I irritate you or not. By the way, for the nth time, who are you? Why are you all black and white?
Inner Self : I’m your Inner Self cool guy. Also, the writer of this story wants me to be in black and white. Also you can’t do anything about it. Also, you’re acting like an idiot. Are you always like this?
Me : Huh? Slow down dude. You can’t go in with a barrage of questions expecting everything to be answered. I need time to think and consider my answers.
Inner Self : Stop posing. You’re not an introvert to be considering your answers. You just answer with the first thing that comes to mind. Spontaneity, that’s what you do.
Me : Holy cow! How do you know all this?
Inner Self : Christ! Did I not tell you who I am? I’m your Inner Self. I know what you know. Actually, I know a lot more than you do.
Me : Sorry man. How can you be my Inner Self when you’re so rude?
Inner Self : I’m different. If you’ve been able to deduce already, I’m ten times smarter than you, I think fifty times faster than you, and I’m better looking save for the color.
Me : This sucks! How can you be better than me when you’re just a part of my subconscious?
Inner Self : Haven’t you noticed? When you’re depressed, you write good poetry and prose, you write good music, you paint extremely well, and, you’re more profound. That’s me in action. Also, don’t rock your chair.
*Rocks chair and falls off*
Me : Owww! Dude, seriously, stop it with the Nostradamic crap. You’re freaking me out. By the way, you should come out more often! You’d be a winner with girls! I’d have no problems scoring with you around.
Inner Self : No thanks. I’m not concerned with such trivialities. Besides, there are rules that bound me to your subconscious. For example, only you can see or hear me and no one can touch me, so if people see you now, they’d probably think you’re some crazed lunatic.
Me : Seriously dude, I don’t like your tone. You’re so arrogant. Is this because of your so-called wit?
Inner Self : Yes and No. Yes because my IQ is like that of a genius, and no because the writer wants me to be this way. For some reason, you irritate the writer as well. Also, stop being a moron.
Me : I can’t take this abuse anymore.

 

*Throws a punch but hits only air*
Inner Self : LOL. You can’t touch me because I’m only part of your subconscious. Did I not mention this a while ago?
Me : I just wanted to see for myself, okay? How would I know if you were telling the truth?
Inner Self : I’d be insulting my intellect if I were to lie.
Me : OMG! Listen to yourself! You sound like… like… like… ME!!!
Inner Self : That’s because I am you!!!
*Demonic laughter*
*SNAP!*
Dr. Berry snapped his fingers and I woke up. I was a bit dizzy and weak from the hypnosis. He gave me a glass of water, ice cold by the way to wake my sleeping limbs. The hypnosis went on for seven hours. The good doctor said I was speaking with myself, non-stop for the past seven hours.
Wait. That conversation took seven hours?
*Booming voice: No stupid! That was just a small part of it.*
Okay, so conversations with Inner Selves may not be as interesting as what you’ve just read. In fact, it may even be worse. I’ve decided not to include the whole transcript of the conversation because, well, that would take about 80,000 words. No one in this office would be in the right mind to read all of it. Besides, who’d want to read the conversations that I’m having with myself?

What do you think your inner self will say when you get to talk to him/her? Share it to the world! Leave a message!

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