Glorified Version of A Stranger

Written on 12/31/2007 – 5:07 am | by keysinunez.com | 1,343 Views

To the Asshole who shutdown my computer,

Hi! How does this day find you? I hope you get hit by a fucking bus today. Thanks to your little activity, I have lost several important files that I was working on. Sure, MS Excel has this recovery thing, but that didn’t save all of it! What’s worse is that you didn’t even fucking call me about it. My phone number’s all over my email signature. It’s even in the directory. You just left a little gay note. You even used my post-it. Asshole. I bet you used my pen too, huh?

How soon can I beat you up? Oh wait, compared to me, you’re like shit on the sole of my Chucks. I’m not going waaaaay down to your level. I should get rags like you to beat you up. Oh wait, it’s going to be a New Year soon. I really should stop bad mouthing people. Online and IRL.

So while everyone else is blogging about the Top Ten Gay Posts for 2007 (oh hai Ade! LOL?), I’m blogging about my…

*drum roll*

Ten New Year’s Resolutions (which I’ll never do anyway, but what the heck…)

Yeah. I know it’s corny and all but this is actually the first time I’m doing this, so cut me some slack asshole.

1. Save money - everyone I know is doing this. I think I’m starting to veer towards the Dad zone. That zone where all you bitch about is your nagging wife, your noisy kid, your dirty home, the bills, the household chores. Blech. I will never be in the Dad zone. Nevar! But I will however start saving more money because diapers cost more than a fucking t-shirt.
2. Report for work on time - I think I was late 19 out of the 22 work days this December. Yay?
3. Dress like a fucking manager - I don’t know why, but I just can’t go back to the corporate slave look.
4. Eat right - learn how to cook really, really well and force those godawful greens down my throat. Noesssss!!!
5. Lose weight - because I now have those flabs and I get tired easily. Yeah, like the fatties on TV. I don’t even know if I can survive one round of secks. Damn.
6. Learn how to play the piano - I know a few chords but i really can’t play well. I can’t say that I know the piano like I know the guitar. Also, the reason why I want to learn the piano is because I want to be able to play I Don’t Like Mondays by the Boomtown Rats. Yeahs.
7. Earn more online - I haven’t been exerting a conscious effort to really drive my revenue. My BFF asked me why I was pushing revenue at work (where I don’t get paid extra) and not my own revenue. I now see the light.
8. Meet Sheila - we’ve been friends for like 3 years and I haven’t even met her IRL. I also owe her a goddamn McDonald’s meal. Remind me to shove a box of six-piece nuggets down her throat when I finally get to meet her.
9. Use my Starbucks Planner - my technician gave me one. He didn’t drink 41 mugs of coffee just to be able to get a Planner. He’s actually friends with the Starbucks Country Manager. Heck, I don’t even like Starbucks coffee.
10. Buy a Sony PSP and/or a Portable - because I don’t want to stare in space while my wife’s shopping (yes, it takes her hours just to get a pair of shoes)

Right. There you have it! My Ten New Year’s Resolutions. A first for me. I hope I get around to doing everything on the list.

Any advice on New Year’s Resolutions? Have you successfully completed and adhered to your own list? Tell me about it!

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